trusting and only trusting

2007-02-02T06:57:00.000-08:00

hi there. i'm back here to update my blog. lols. this week has been pretty boring. same old same old. hahas. have been slacking abit this week. better not let it continue, otherwise it'll just be last yr repeating itself. lols. u noe wad? my brownie sales have been doing quite well!!! praise e Lord! hahas. so far i've also been able to do my one year bible daily! hahas. although each day's devotion is so super long, but i thank God for giving me e discipline to stick to it! well, got trng tmr morning. kinda lazy to type liao. i'll update e rest tmr lah. hahas

2007-01-14T06:36:00.000-08:00

its been a really long time since i've updated this blog...hahas. let's see...i guess i havent touched this since i came back from Bali during the december hols. lols. oh well, the trip was great, though it now seems like a distant memory. we did white water rafting, sea sports, ate loads of good food, shopped like no body's business (and bargained a lot too), went for massages, enjoyed the beach and the hot hot hot sun (when singapore was rainin cats and dogs) and all and basically, enjoyed each other's company.lols. the only downside was that i kana food poisoning on the last day and it was quite terrible. oh wells, must have over eaten i guess. lols. well, after the hols, christmas came and there was all the good food, lovely presents and all. YPM put on a wonderful performance during the christmas service...it was really meaningful! hahas. well, after christmas.......reality kinds of settles in that school's abt to begin. yahs...and in a blink, 2007's here! ...

yes...sadly and tragically, im BACK IN SCHOOL! oh wells, that's e way it goes lah. its a new year though, and reflecting back on last year, i guess i wasted alot of time and didnt really work veh hard, i guess thats why my results kinda dropped. i mean, my heart wasnt into my sch work and all and i was easily distracted and kept wantin to haf fun. so yahs. i guess, i wanna make this yr different lah. 2006 has been a year of self-discovery and growth. i really thank God for the experiences (the gd n e bad ones) in 2006 and i asked Him to help me make 2007 a fulfilling year, to help direct me in life and show me His plans. I can't really say that i noe what God has installed for me in the future, but i do feel a sense of renewed motivation to strive for excellence and to give my best and make my life count in all i do. I know God's behind this sudden motivation as i had been struggling with getting things going on my own until i turned to God at the start of the yr. It's really supernatural, the way God works. i can't really explain this sudden change of attitude in me, but fellow believers would probably understand, so for 2007, i'll just do my best and trust God with the rest and give Him all e Glory!

another exciting thing this year is that i wanna start up a brownie business...yahs, i know its not easy and all. some may think im too ambitious but i'll start small and see where it goes. hahas. i've just kick started it and i really hope God would favor this venture of mine. hahas, hopefull it'll be profitable enuf to contribute significantly to my college fund! hahas...well, if u wanna buy some from me, just give me a call at 62889556 (if u got my hp no, u can sms me too) it goes at $2 per piece and $16 per tray! yups...and its not from brownie mixes (those are nt as gd) hahas...i make them from scratch! hahas...and so far, they've been really yummy! okok...enuf of self praise here! gotta sleep liao...got a math test tmr and i gotta do well! hahas:))!

thanks for reading the boring details of my life and please buy my brownies! hahas...

2006-12-08T07:36:00.000-08:00

you noe wad... i think God really speaks the right words to our hearts when we really need it. i felt really encouraged through one of my QTs this week. it seemed like God was speaking straight to my heart and encouraging me to continue to serve him in all the small ways i can. i mean, i felt pretty bad about being a leader in LOS camp but not being able to be there most of the time. i felt as though i did not give enough and all but during my QT, it said that "no amount of activity for God will ever take the place of a heart that is right wif him". I guess, what really matters to God is your attitude when serving Him and it really is the heart that matters. Not that i'm saying that e amnt of time given to God in service does not matter but it's really e attitude and e desire to serve Him that counts. I felt really encouraged to continue serving in the little ways i can. like playing keyboard in church or just showing love to my friends around me or just being obedient to GOd. It is actually really simple to please God and it isnt necessary to do great and mighty works for Him to please Him (although if you can do great things for Him, that would be great). So, in a nutshell, i'm going to continue serving God in the little ways i can and do it with the right spirit! yepp.

2006-12-03T19:18:00.000-08:00

hahas. had a pretty good wk last week.yeeps.had youth camp in church and it was really great! loved my group!!! SPRITE ROCKS!! pssssssss! hahahas. yupp, we were super enthu!! hahas. i believe the camp has also been a time of intimacy with God. Holy Spirit night was great. Oh and the games this camp were really good.. too bad i missed underground church cause i had to go home. i believed it was really fun! really sad i couldnt stay over for both nights..sighs. it prob would have been more fun if i did but no choice lah, had tournaments the next day and had the standard chartered's 10km run on Sunday morning. yepp. oh! but the run was darn good. the whether was beautiful man. no sun no rain! just clouds! hahas. ran quite comfortably but i guess i didnt push hard enough. wasnt really tired when i finished and i started off really slow cause of the crowd and all...was really difficult to zigzag my way out of the crowd at the start so i guess my timing was kinda affected pretty bad but wadeva...didnt really have a target in mind although i wanted to make it arnd 50 minutes cause that was my time last yr. oh wells. i shall aim for 45 minutes next yr! hahas...

oh well, trng starts again today aft cheers youth international. yepp.and the holidays are going so quickly!!! ARGH! and i haven't started on RS with my group yet...die liao!!! but anyway, can't wait for next week!!! FRIDAY e 15th!!! here we come BALI!!! yepp! sun sand and sea! yepp. paradise.ahhhh!! hahas ok den. that's all for now...

2006-11-26T20:09:00.000-08:00

darn...e hols are passing by so quickly. last week has been preety good though. had CSC kason age-grp tournament. hahas. won champ! yay!hahas, but mainly cause not many other stronger players played la. hahas. well, still gotta thank God for helping me through e tournament..well, this week is youth international! hahas. tonight got game against an indonesian! aiyo, prob will kana whack like siao but nvm la! go and try my best can liao!! hahahas.

youth camp's this Friday! yeppS! really excited abt it! i believe God will do something great this camp! say AMEN to that!

2006-11-22T06:24:00.000-08:00

oh man! time really flies! its like in the middle of e third week of holidays already. dats so darn fast!!! crap! oh well, things are starting to get busy liao, competitions are starting and all..got CSC tournament tmr...but just playin this tournament for fun lah cause e prize quite good. hahas. n next week is youth international. aiyo, that one just playin for exposure only la.. e players from indonesia and malaysia are darn good. lols. oh and standard charts marathorn is also comin up man..hahas. hardly trained for it this yr so i'll prob be runnin like a tortoise...hahas.

hmmm, LOS camp's coming up! can't wait! sighs, but really sad that i would be missing most of it cause of youth international. oh well, but i'll go whenever i can! hahas, really glad that Dorlisa's coming! hahas..its been a long time since ive seen her so it'll prob be a gud time to catch up. lols.

well, today's pretty sad for me cause i lost my phone!!! sobs. i think it dropped out of my pocket when i was sitting down in e cab. sighs...!!! now i've got no phone!!! oh man! whoever out there with a kind soul and a spare phone, please pity me and let me noe if i can borrow e spare phone!!! oh man! i can't believe i lost it!!! man. im feeling terrible abt it now! i really hope whoever found it will be convicted to return it!! GOD! pplease create a miracle!!!

2006-11-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

hahas. once again, its been a long time since i've updated my blogg.hahas.no excuses this time though. busy? not at all. lazy. more like it. hahas. this weeks been pretty good, as in i didnt have much stuff on so i spent most of my days just reading storybooks, mags. etc, playin with baby westley (ohmygosh, he's such a cutie), baking & cooking and obviously trng.

went to wild wild wet on Wed with macey, tanapat, charm and val. hahas. was quite fun though wild wild wet was kinda boring, i mean, its so small and there's so few rides. we basically entertained ourselves by playin hide and seek in the children's pool aft we got bored of the rides. hahas. childish but fun! hahas but we left wild wild wet preety early and went to EAT! hahas. e swimmin made us all real hungry so we like splurged on 6 scoops of ben and jerry's ice-cream. heavenly! smack smack! hahas, den we went to the food court to eat somemore! pigs we were. i noe. hahas. aft that we went to val's house to watch DVDs and eat somore!!!hahas.yepp.was damn stuffed by the time i left her house. lols.

we had cell bonding in church yesterday. hahas. was a really good time. we joined in the day cell in the aft, i didnt noe what dey did in e aft cuz i was at trng den when i came back at night, we played games and celebrated ben's b'day! HAPPI B'DAY BEN! hahas. yepp. his mum made delicious pudding! hahas. i'm actually really thankful to God for this cell and our cell leader Kara is really one of a kind. hahas. i'm actually really inspired by her and her commitment to serve God and lead our cell. i mean she has to work and all but she still makes it a point to turn up for our cell bonding and listen to our problems, spend time with us and guide us in our walk wif God. i mean, i really aspire to be like her. hahas.

my heart's in confusion. its too early to tell, i noe. one minute i feel like that and the next minute i don't noe what i'm feeling...about you.

2006-10-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

muahahahahahas.yepps.the EOYS are over.really! i cant believe it. i have only one more year of suffering left in RGS. GOSH. it just feels so good to be free of exams or stress for now. sighs. its like for the first time in the entire year i can come home and have absolutely nothing to complete. muahahahas. yeah i guess u can guess that i'm on a high right now. ahahs. well, i gotta enjoy it while it last right. in other words, - i gotta enjoy it before i get my results which probably wont be very pleasing. sighs. i guess i gotta admit that i;m rather disappointed in my performance this year in school. the whole year just flew past in a blur and the many goals i set for myself were just left unachieved.ok, i probably cant remember what specific goals i set for myself, but i knew i did and i did try real hard to stick to my plan and stuff liddat. stuff just keep croppin up at the worst moments and i guess, well, im not as strong willed as i thought i was. aside from all the high of the "after exams syndrome", if i really allow myself to reflect back on the year, i'm pretty disappointed with myself. sighs.

ok, maybe i set really high standards for myself and i always feel good isnt good enough. u noe that kind of thing. well, i dun show it. i mean its much easier to act like you dun care (even if u do), and sometimes when everything isnt going as you would like it to be, it really seems as though i couldnt care less. but now i noe better, i still do care. you can say i'm an over-achiever of that kind of stuff, ya. sad but true. people always tell me its ok to let go and stuff... sighs i wish i could. most of the time i just tell myself that disappointment is just part of everything, but it doesnt change the fact that it sucks. mans. i keep asking myself how i did it last year, all the gd grades and stuff, and i keep trying to get myself into the workaholic mode i was in last year but i guess it didnt work. oh well, im probably confusing you with my emotions. i guess thats the problem with emotions. they confuse you and so you just keep thinking deeper into it and den you just get depressed n the whole cycle repeats... sighs.

oh well, i guess i just gotta cast my cares upon the Lord. yeah. but its easier said than done cause it keeps nagging at the back of my mind. okok. i'll stop all the demoralising reflective thoughts of mine...yes yes. the EOYs are over and what's done cannot be undone. lets just hope and strive for the better next year. yes.

well, i guess i sort of abandoned this blogg for more than a month. was darn busy mugging for EOYs. revision was such a rush and there was absolutely no time for anything. but im just glad the nightmare's over and im returning to life. hahas. came home yesterday after training and practiced somo worship songs for like more than an hour. but it was good, and i enjoyed it. its been so long since i enjoyed playing the keyboard and playing it yesterday was really great and the worship songs no doubt made it better...! hahas.

yup. went for worship prac in the aft today. hahas. no trng!! lols. so i spent practically my entire day in church...well, ya, playing e keyboard again.hahas. but it was a good time la. i really enjoyed youth ablaze and the discussion with my cell. its really enriching and its great how we can grow spiritually..

hmmm. its a long weekend ahead. yepps. dearest mummy's birthday's coming up! gotta go plan a surprise for her! love her loads!!!

dats all for now, the lack of sleep this week has definitely caught up with me..zzZZzz

2006-09-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

sighs. the term isnt lookin too good although it has only been the first week... looks like i've got lotsa school work to catch up on and lots of studying to do and not to forget, i've got 3 PTs due this week. sighs. e hols just flew by too quickly. but it was a good hols anyway. Cheryl and i got 2nd for cheers doubles and we managed a rubber-set in the finals so yupps, it was good. well, but it's so wasted that we cant go to thailand for Kings Cup. sighs. the tournament week is right smack on our exam week and our principal don't wanna release us from sch during that week so we cant go. sighs so sad. all six of us will be stuck in Singapore takin our exams while the rest are in Thailand. really miss going overseas for tournament. it was damn fun in sec one when we went for the Kings Cup...(though i got food poisoning and was hospitalised on the 3rd last day...oh well, thats another story). i guess now its time to just head for the BOOKS. yahs.really gotta pray for the discipline to sit down and study. always get distracted so easily, i'm practically walking out to e kitchen to get more food every 15 minutes. man! alright! i'm gonna start ANEW this week! i'm gonna sit still and study for at least an hour before i get up to walk around (IOW, find food to eat). yupps. lets see if i keep to that! winkx..

2006-08-31T08:09:00.000-07:00

oh wells. here's the september school holidays... you'll probably be thinking i must be so relieved. well, its actually quite the opposite really. i mean, it's only 1 week? hello? and i've got like, 4 major PTs to complete and a maths test to prepare for and badminton tournament to entertain me during these seven days. yes. i'm whining. and complaining. and wondering why my life's in such a sad state. oh well, yes yes. i guess the right attitude my mummy and daddy will be proud to see would be me saying that all these would just enhance my learning journey and help me learn to develop all-roundedly. hey! but i'm a kid, or at least in a sense. so complaining is one of my rights(i believe s0). anyway, enuf said about that. i'll just slog it through and look forward to the end of years holidays! thats when the real party begins!! woohhoo! lols.

we had teachers day celebrations in sch today. were supposed to have aces day but it rained like crazy so we ended up staying in class (not doing the workout) and waited for our form teachers, who never showed up! hahas. ok, nvm, that just meant we could slack through the aces routine. anyway, our class got a cushion, which we personalised, for our form and CLET teachers...hahas. apparently, ms siow wasnt in sch today cause no one saw her and we couldnt find her either. hope she isn't sick. she seemed unwell the past few days.if ms siow's sick then, GET WELL SOON MS SIOW! too bad you missed teachers day today. we had some performances in the school hall aft that. was quite ok lah. i guess the highlight was MR TOH's performance. yes mr toh, if you're reading this ( i noe he reads our blogs), your performance was the HIGHLIGHT! hahas. yup. it was really good! hahas. aft school dismissed, i went back to PL and i reached there like at 11.30am cause i wanted to watch my little sis perform for e teachers day concert but guess wad? the stooooooooopid security guard didnt let me in! she said i couldnt go in until 12.45pm. man! imagine how pissed i was. thank God i lived only opposite so i could go home first. but i had quite a good time at my primary school lah. pigged out in the canteen! primary sch food is so CHEAP!! hahas, but actually the food kinda sucks. but we just ate it for oldtimes sake. yes...sentimental huh? lols. but i do miss primary school! all the carefree times...

yes please! someone! turn back the clock!! :) :(

2006-08-17T06:20:00.000-07:00

sighs.today's been a sad day. aunty joyce has gone home to be with the Lord after her long and brave battle with cancer. its really sad and it seems as though there's been so many deaths in our church this year. first, it was aunty Jenny, now this. sighs. it somehow seems pretty unreal to me. i mean, i just saw her on Sunday and on Sunday, i just ate some kinda nonya food she prepared...and now,i'll never see her up and around again. at least not for a very long time. these many years, she's always been cheerful and bright despite her illness and i guess i'll miss her. i pray that God will comfort her family and give them such supernatural peace in their hearts. i guess aunty joyce is in a better place where she is no longer suffering but i guess we'll still miss her lots and it's definitely much harder for her family. sighs. sometimes you can't help but wonder why God allows such things, i mean, she's always been so faithful in service to God, i can't help but ask why can't God give miraculously heal her?...but i guess, however hard it is to accept, somehow, His ways are not ours. i was kinda zoned out in sch today. i mean, aft receiving the msg that she was in critical cond, i kept praying for her recovery but i guess, God had other plans...sighs.

everything seems kinda down these few days. trng and school work's draining me and now plus this... i guess i can only draw strength from God ... gotta present my chinese pt tmr and i really wonder how i'm gonna do...sighs...somehow, only prayer will see me through this period of time

-when i am down you pick me up, when i am dry you fill my cup, you are my all in all -

2006-08-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

God is good!! hahas. i can't believe i scored like 34/35 for my maths test. i mean, i noe quite a number of pple got full marks and so 34/35 isn't that great a deal (to others), but to me, its absolutely unbelievable. okok. let me explain. my 1st semester maths results were...terrible. i mean, i was just scraping through a 3.2 GPA. my test scores were like 23/40 or something like that. and i kinda thought that's it for me man. my maths can't make it. and it was quite bad for me cause i did quite well for maths last year. but i guess, God is ever so good. for e first test of the 2nd semester, i actually scored 35/35 and now this!!! it's amazing how God turns things arnd. now my maths aint that hopeless anymore. in case u're wondering what happened to that 1 mark. it was a CARELESS mistake. grrr... but i guess, i should still be more than thankful for the 34 marks!

another wonderful news was that yesterday i recieved the reply from SBA (s'pore badminton assoc) that i've been accepted into the youth squad. well, its really God's answer to my prayers and i'm really thankful for his blessings! Ever since i came out of sports sch last year, i've been trying to get into SBA but i've never been accepted (lots of politics)...and finding proper trng for myself was quite a tough thing. i've been really wanting to get in and i've been praying real hard. however, last week i received the letter that i wasnt accepted this year and u can say i was really disappointed. but my parents wrote in again to ask why i wasnt accepted when my results were better than some of their players. aft that, i sort of told the Lord that i leave the whole matter to Him. Whether i get in or not, i trust that He has everything planned out for me, "plans to prosper me not harm me". and i think God taught me how to trust and let Him take control of my life through this experience. He's really great.

2006-08-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

ok. i guess i didnt really update this blog. its been a mad rush. 3rd term in RGS is always like that. crazy test schedules and piles of performance tasks. i just WANNA SCREAM!!! ARGHHHH! okok...stress relieve is over.

oh well, so much has been going on that i dunno where to start and i cant possibly write everything down...well, to start with, track is over for this year. thank God! well, but i got badminton doubles tournament coming up this september! i really really hope to be able to get into the top 4 positions! i guess i just gotta do my God and let God do the rest.well, actually, that's often easier said than done. i WORRY too much. i guess i gotta learn...it'll save me lotsa white hair yah. ok. enuf of my lame jokes. but this tournament is quite important cause it might enable me to get into SBA. well, if u didnt noe, i've been tryin to get in but somehow i always dun get in although my tournament results are not bad and i can win some of their players. yahs. i guess its alot of politics. but i dunno lah. maybe not going to SBA may be better too cause i wont be so busy. but yet again, it'll be so much better to have proper training. oh well, i guess i'll leave it to God lah. if he wants me there, he'll make a way and if he thinks im better outta there, well, than i can only trust that he makes all things work for good. oh well... but i still wanna get in!. hahas okok.. i'll just wait and see and of course...pray.

the past few weeks have also been a great spiritual journey for me i must say. i believe God is really working and i'm really excited about it. i mean, it feels really so good to feel connected with God. i mean, it feels that my life is now centred around God and it never felt so right.. of course i stumble (very often). i mean, i'm not perfect. its not like i've sudd become some kinda saint or something but at least now i try to live a life as pleasing to God as possible...and life has never been as fulfilling as living for God. I wanna do more for His kingdom and it's really exciting. just a few weeks ago, youth ablaze was talking abt mission and i really hope i can go on one at the end of this year! imagine how God would show up!

today's service at church was amazing! we got this asian american speaker to speak. she's very young! only abt 28 i think! but God is using her so mightily! she's like a modern day prophet and she's so sensitive to God's voice!!how i wish i could hear God as clearly as she does! and her message was really powerful and interesting. i prob could rattle off and type out her whole sermon out here but to save your eyes from staring too long at the com, i'll cut the long story short! basically, she felt that God is going to bring a great harvest across Asia and it's gonna start with Singapore and our church would be used mightily!! and the confirmations she got from the Lord were amazing!!! it's like God had it all planned out! she was speaking about the angel called "breakthrough" appearing to her group in berkely and also to one of the pastor in Singapore, telling them that "Breakthrough is here" its really so cool!!! i wanna see angels too! but aside from that, there were many other confirmations that were just awesome! another thing was that Singapore is 40 this year and turning 41 and in the Bible, the Isrealites wondered in the wilderness for 40 years and crossed over in the 41st year!!! so this is the year of the cross over! the great harvest!!! oh man! there were still many more stuff that shows that this was God's divine arrangement and not just some coincidence!!! okok. i better stop here...my mum's bugging me for the com...but to end off on a high note, GOD IS AWESOME!!! a million amens to that!!!!

2006-07-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

hey there. i guess this should be my first post on this blog (not counting the previous one). anyway, i had track competition today. hahas. ran the 1500m event. it was not bad, quite fun infact. well, of course i was kinda jittery before the race but once we got going, it felt pretty good. of course i gotta thank God for helping me through it. Though i didnt qualify for the finals, i still wanna thank Him for giving me the opportunity to run and experience being in track. i mean, this is like the very first time im running track so im just doing it for the experience. i finished in 6 mins and 5 secs if im not wrong (or somewhere arnd there) and i guess that was pretty good for me (though those who were really good ran it in 5 mins) hahas. Well, my cell has been really great in keeping me in prayer and yupps. I love MUSTARD SAPLINGS ( thats my cell name, incase you dont noe).

Well, life's been pretty tough these days. Well, there's definitely been good times, but it seems that there are more bad than good ones. Schoolwork's stressing me out and although i desperately wanna work hard and really concentrate on my schoolwork, its really hard to get down to it. last year i was like really on the ball regarding schoolwork but its kinda diff this yr.

oh well, im trying my hardest to get back into the "hardworking" mode and i'm praying hard that God will give me the decipline. I guess, with God all things are possible and if our focus is on God than everything else will fall into place cause God is in control... yes yes...i sound so holy holy! but its really true and i believe God has renewed my love for Him after this year's church camp in june. Manx! the camp was amazing and God's presence was just so tangible. I guess i have grown pretty much in the Lord since i came back from camp and i must say i'm glad i have Him to fall back on...imagine if i had to face school, competitions and all those pressure without Him! i dun think i'll ever survive. really...camp was just so darn good. and my cell bonded lots too...but aside from the bonding, i think we also grew closer to God together and i think that's really cool! okok. i'll stop rattling. snap snap. and its back to reality...school and all... oh well, but at least God's part of this reality!

2006-07-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

hey there. its my new blog. i guess im trying to get back into the swing of blogging. havent blogged for about a year. yups. still trying to get this blog up. wait and see if i succeed. im a technology retard so i dunno how this will turn out. hahas